From Craigslist;-
‘I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were f***ing treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an ***hole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:
1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ***.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve ****ed yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t ****ing want you, now.
Sincerely,
A Recovering Nice Guy’
~o0o~
Also check out No More Mr. Nice Guy ,
‘Overcoming ‘Niceguy-itus (Part 2)” ,
Co-Dependancy at The Recovery Network ,
and ‘The Man With No Spine – ‘A parable for ‘Nice Guys” at http://www.heartless-bitches.com
24 comments
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January 24, 2008 at 2:48 pm
bachelor tom
This ‘nice guy’ wised up. After spending 30+ years believing that women are saints and men are devils, I now understand that all humans are capable of vice as well as virtue.
The basic fallacy of the Left is their idealization of human nature. Feminists have extended this to gender, so that all women are morally superior to all men. As a result, vicious women are empowered to act out their sociopathic fantasies, and virtuous men are silenced.
“What happened to all the nice guys?” is a juvenile question with a sobering explanation. If we ignore the potential for evil in anyone, we incur the risk of tragic consequences.
November 7, 2010 at 5:30 am
Felix
Well said.
February 6, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Khankrumthebulgar
The Nice Guys have been watching how Women treat them. They have observed how Women treat Faithful, hard working Men. They treat them like Shit. And they refuse to be exploited anymore. The Game is over for Women in the Feminized West. More and more Men are unplugging and Withdrawing from Women. They are bailing on Feminized Churches, Schools, places of Work, and Relationships.
The Realize Marriage is a Lose/Lose high risk, low reward proposition. They can get laid without it. So why do it? The benefits outweigh the rewards. The ROI is horrible. Loss of assets, one in four children of Divorce experience parental alienation. Meaning Cupcake deliberately keeps the children away from their Father.
And contrary to Women’s viewpoints that Men are unable to withhold Sex. Fox News Health link has a segment about Men giving up Sex. The price to have Sex with US Women, and risks are killing Men’s Libido. Congrats Ladies. You have finally achieved the near impossible. You have gotten Straight Men to prefer Video Games, to having Sex with you. Wow. You must be truly vile and repellent to over ride Men’s biological instincts. Never thought I would live to see this but there it is.
A survey of Stanford Students revealed that the average Student has less than 7 Dates in 4 years. Students are not even dating anymore. Something is seriously wrong here.
May 31, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Batchelor Stu
This article is so spot-on. I am also a Recovering Nice Guy. I recommend ALL men read this and wise-up before they get TOO hurt by women.
February 28, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Anonymous
i think you hate women, but this site did help. If you as a nice guy really had other intentions in the woman or women, it may have cleared up the mystery had you expressed your concern and interests and appreciation.
Don’t feel bad it’s not too late. We, many of us, that is have issues regarding identity. The mistake is to presume the other wise.
Note from a nice girl, the one’s you overlooked in your quest for the busty,
overinflated, super confident chick who you thought was gonna make you look and be cool.
November 5, 2011 at 6:56 pm
NiceGirlwithaNiceGuy
So true “Anonymous”. They can blame it on “feminism” all they want, when that really has nothing to do with them not getting a date. If you’re such a “nice guy”, then you should be able to see through the superficiality of these women, let them be, and keep your dignity with you. Rather than making blanket statements.
May 22, 2009 at 10:55 pm
lol
lol, It’s freaking funny and sooo coincidental, cuz this girl I talked to for years was always the nice guy and what not was like hey how come you don’t go out with me? I’m your friend and you don’t date friends? Lol, so stop telling me about your goddamn boyfriends and how crappy they treat you.
May 23, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Mario
What happened to all th nice guys….. so funny because I’m a nice guy but would not do a relationship again not even if they give me $110,000 salary…. Being nice do not work…. I end up feeling stupid
September 15, 2009 at 12:21 am
Exposing Feminism
November 10, 2009 at 6:49 am
scott oberg
Author sounds fat. Face it- you were being nice just to get laid as well, and it didn’t pan out. Now you’re blaming her and being an asshole? If that’s the case, I have news for you- you were always an asshole, you’re just starting to be honest with yourself now.
Clearly, whoever broke your heart dodged a bullet.
July 16, 2011 at 7:57 pm
Poncho
you must be the ***hole boyfriend then
November 5, 2011 at 7:07 pm
Dontbestupid
No, he’s being honest. Rather than blaming everybody but themselves, the “nice guys” attack (all) women instead. Just because YOU think you’re nice, doesn’t mean you are.
January 14, 2010 at 7:47 am
anonymous
i think this is a good article.. its a big slap to gurls who mistreated the nice guys in their life.. NIce guys are already a scarcity and sadly most of the still want their dream men.. all i can say is dream on gurls.. cause no handsome looking guy would be as nice as guys who are not physically appealing.. its a choice and i think most of the gurls would go for the handsome type rather than the NICE GUY…
July 10, 2010 at 11:41 am
Anonymous
And now for the truth:) basically from what I’ve found is that everyone has (good) or (bad) in them it all depends on the time you met what you went through and where you were spiritually,morally,psychologically,emotionally, and finally physically. We all have the ability to mature. Sometimes we get in situations we do not know how to resolve in a positive manner end up dumping on someone moving on to someone else only to find out a year or 2 down the road their was nothing wrong with the other person one or both parties were probably acting out like babies. People stopped going to church as much as they should be just like your grandma and grandpa did? and they were married 40+ yrs weren’t they? put it all together we are all not as wise as we think. GOD has already established what LOVE and Marriage is about. Wanna know more pick up the book entitled “holy bible” learn something then you will find what your hearts been looking for the whole time.
Signed “YOUVE BEEN ENLIGHTENED”
October 26, 2010 at 7:25 am
Rayne
I have to admit I am one of those girls that had the ‘nice guy’ and threw him away. Not because I didnt like him. It was always being blinded by the friend zone fact between us. I would gladly go back in time. Tell him exactly what I would have all those years ago(Okay maybe not all those since I am only 20.) So, I hope now, any girl that reads this, will 2nd guess that bullcrapy friendzone, and see beyond it.
November 7, 2010 at 6:16 am
Felix
What most females & males don’t understand is that, although the basic idea of equality for females is desirous, it has NOTHING to do with modern feminism.
After the contraceptive pill arrived, along with all the social changes of the sixties, women wanted to be free from the constraints of the 50s so a natural push towards the rights of females started to grow.
Meanwhile the masters of the world i.e. the mega rich banking/mining/ corporate families, “The Elites”, whatever? saw an opportunity to claw back some of the freedom the masses were winning for themselves.
Divide and conquer is their main weapon so they started to help feminism along. The Rockefeller family through the CIA operative (since 1958) Gloria Steinem and her Ms Magazine started a war against the family unit creating a society that was dysfunctional and easily manipulated and it was known as Feminism!
See> http://www.savethemales.ca/180302.html
and > http://www.rense.com/general21/hw.htm or just Google for more.
It was never about women it was about breaking up society and pushing for a more oppressive system of government.
LSD, although it backfired because of its enlightening qualities, was another means by which the elites tried to break up the socially aware student movements.
This was a big mistake for the elites, they had no idea of the spiritually awakening qualities of hallucinogenics and it worked against them. Many people who used it were awakened to their enslavement by LSD, they saw reality for the first time, I know I did, but I digress.
Now a couple of generations further on we have kids that have never known a real family and single husbands living in boarding houses to escape the greed of ex-wives and their lawyers and never knowing their children.
The men saw what was happening but somehow the women missed it,.Hmmm I guess they’re not as intelligent as they claimed.
March 15, 2011 at 11:00 am
Hek
Very funny.
Riddle me this: Why were you being nice to her?
Was it because you’re actually selfless genuinely cared for her wellbeing and wanted to help for *helping’s sake*, i.e. with no expectation of a reward? If that’s the case, how come you’re so bitter that you *weren’t* rewarded (in the way you expected to be, without even letting the girl know about your expectations)?
Was it because helping was just a means to an end, i.e. supporting her in exchange for eventual romantic intimac… Well, sorry. Don’t flatter yourself by thinking you’re the “nice guy” that women should be fighting over.
March 23, 2011 at 3:30 am
VoiceOfLogic
Hi, distorted woman who has lost her gotdamned mind to feminism and female-centrism:
Human beings are incapable of unconditional love. Humans reciprocate caring where it is given, or initiate it on their own toward another party where they see a possible gain. I give you my kindness and openness in order to receive your heart. I don’t get it, I cease.
To look at it from the reverse, would you shower someone with affection if they were obviously against you? For example, a malicious coworker who reports you to your superior at every chance she can, and is obviously after your job, and not afraid to try to make you seem incompetent, and to step into your confidence domain and fluster you if necessary, or make statements that put your decisions in dubious light.
EVERYONE would classify this person as an “enemy”, and even if they don’t return the malice, they would at the very least approach dealing with this person with suspicion and heightened guardedness.
No man would waste time on you for “helping’s sake”. You’re NOT THAT PRETTY/ATTRACTIVE/SWEET. You’re NOT WORTH AS MUCH AS FEMINISM MAKES YOU THINK, and men DON’T OWE YOU A SINGLE THING.
And being nice to attract love from someone is not a wrong thing to do.
So shut up.
November 5, 2011 at 7:14 pm
Sara
Neither is thinking you’re being “nice” to a girl by following her around, going shopping with her, doing everything you possibly can to get close to her just for the sake of sex. That’s sneaky, you know it, and that’s why you get so upset when you don’t get what you want. Ever think that maybe doing everything with these girls, maybe gave them the impression you ONLY wanted to be friends, since you’re all too stupid or too scared to actually express your feelings? But go ahead and pity yourself and blame it on women and feminism all you want. It just shows how little you know about them both.
March 20, 2011 at 6:37 pm
Cini
Why do nice guys finish last? Because they never make their intentions known. How is a girl supposed to know you like her in order for her to give you a chance? Girls aren’t psychic so quit whining and make a move.
June 5, 2011 at 4:38 am
Anonymous
First so as not to dissuade either group from my main message I would like you to think back to childhood and all the Disney movies an other show concerning love. Ever since early childhood the mindset of finding “the one” has been pumped into us. Whether it be because the makers wanted to give us hope or simply that those stories sold we grew up believing in “the one”. A heads up! It is (with the most sincere regret) not true. We are the only living creatures that think we deserve to be happy. All other things can just be. As for the ones to cling to religion on this subject (yes I am moderately religious) there is nowhere that it mentions a soul mate or the like.
Now! for the girls: If you really believe that the guy should have told you how they felt then you are lying to yourself that it would have changed anything. A million to one odds all your friends and his friends knew he had a crush on you. Unless you are as clueless as girls claim men to be then you knew. Youre just trying to make yourself feel better. Now if he did manage to strike up the nerve to tell you how he felt (yes, some do) then I want you to think back to how you responded. Did you even give it a shot? Did you really think he was nice and boyfriend worthy albeit for someone else? Did you utter those dreaded words “youre the perfect guy, just not for me.” Well if thats the case and you dont want to be stuck moving from guy to guy for the rest of your life (and lets face it girls after awhile you wont be able to keep getting them) then you f*cked up but DONT WORRY!! There is still hope! Just remember to keep your head out of your ass next time and give it a shot if youre even remotely interesting in him (even as friends).
September 1, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Anonymous Jerk
Well, ladies, if you disagree with what’s written in that piece, then you can always wait until you hit 30. That’s right. When your biological clock ticks itself into a two-minute warning; when your biological clock is in the red zone, then you can always rush back to the men you rejected and toss yourselves at them. Like the article says; they’ll definitely give you the time of day. Rather, they’d give you the time of night to fuck them, then you’ll be out the door and on your way. They won’t be worried trying to start any families or any of that nonsense. For what? We’ll be too busy banging hotter, younger women in their early-mid twenties, just as you did when you were their age.
Sucks to be you all.
November 5, 2011 at 2:53 am
stupid men!!
all u men r rediculous saying that ur a nice guy yet u dont want to get in a realationship rather just sleep around with random girls (which causes STDs by the way) in my opinion men r too much into themselves to realize how much there hurting all woman out there. not once did i have a guy follow me like a puppy or anything ye said. i fell in love with an abusive, lying, cheating asshole and all i did was give him everything he wanted that i could give him even a child and he had to abuse me and our child while he slept with another girl (who was a friend) in my bed. so in my opinion the men these days have gone all wrong and has woman made out to be these awful whores when we r all not like that. Hello i am a girl who has a child and have only been with the one man her entire life and now find it hard to trust any man even more after reading all this. thank god for pleasure toys because the way men r now women need them. smarten up guys cuz all that sleeping around will get u is 6 feet under and regret thinking u can’t get anything if u wear a condom they dont always work dummies. its not much of a life dont ya think. men will be the cause of the human kind ending because ye r killing us all with spreading of all those STDs. thats all i am going to say this site has me allll round up. goodbye
November 5, 2011 at 7:51 pm
Shannon
I can honestly say I was never one of those girls that had guys following me around, going shopping with me, or whatever it is you think makes you a “nice” guy. I have, and have always had, a lot of guy friends. If I did happen to like one of them, I would actually make the effort to maybe make it obvious to him (without embarrassing myself or him), and the feelings were never mutual. These guys were the ones going after the air-headed “popular” girls who they heard gave it up easy. Did I get so upset that I began blaming all males everywhere, or a male driven society? No, that would be petty, unfounded, and a waste of energy. Now I’ve found my “nice guy”, and I didn’t even have to curse society to get him. So now it seems, these guys are all bitter they didn’t get what they wanted from those superficial girls, are pissed that they’re alone, and I guess beggars really can be choosers. I am a feminist, not because I hate men, I don’t, and am not quite sure why such a leap is made when that word is uttered. I simply am proud to be a woman, proud of the accomplishments we’ve made, encourage our advancement, and abhor discrimination/violence/hatred/etc against us. So as much as you may not like to hear it, some of you men are feminists too.